I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
