I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
