i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
