Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
