the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
