there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
