How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
