I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
