So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
