Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
BRING THE BAGELS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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