I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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