You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not ubering you a puppy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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