I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
