Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
