Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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