final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
