we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
