Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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