He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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