Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
