I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
