In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
