As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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