Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
