Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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