Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Houston, we have a blender
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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