i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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