pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
