I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
