12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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