my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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