I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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