so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
