BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
