it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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