the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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