you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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