I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
