This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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