How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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