:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
its liver damage thursday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
