the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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