Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
