we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
