i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
