News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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