6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
