My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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