No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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