is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
