I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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