I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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