I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
