She announced her abortion via fbk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
