I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize