All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
