i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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