Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
