his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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