That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize