I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
