I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
