Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

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(410): View more from Maryland

He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.

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(631): View more from New York

You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone

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(217): View more from Illinois

she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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(301): View more from Maryland

do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.

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(719): View more from Colorado

If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.

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