please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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