Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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