i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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