i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
