you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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