Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize